List of posts by Cat Valentine

This is the page of Cat Valentine's TheSlap posts.

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• Cat: Happy 4 July! Did you ever wonder why they call it 4 July?!?

 

• Cat: Did you ever wonder how your brain tells your toes to move? Do brains have toe sections?

 

• Cat: I'm doing a peanut butter and jelly dance right now. But you can't see it.

 

• Cat: What should I be for Halloween???

• Jade: Be a cat. You'll be less confused.

  

• Cat: I don't get it.

• Jade: A cat. Since your name is CAT! You won't forget what you are, like you did last year.

• Cat: Oooooh, I get it now! Yeah last year was confusing, I was a fox and people kept calling me CAT!

 

• Cat: Hey, Tori. Welcome to TheSlap.com. Oooooh, I keep writing on my own board! :(

 

• Cat: My dog has a black nose. It's like a baby meatball. So cute! - Stage Fighting

 

• Cat: I like to yodel. I usually do it at home, but sometimes I do it at the grocery store. Everyone stares.

 

• Cat: Last night I dreamt of tiny pink bubbles and when they popped they sounded like little kids giggling.

 

• Cat: I love going to the park and looking at baby squirrels. Oh, and sometimes one of them throws a nut at me. I don't like that part.

 

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• Cat: I thought the ball freshener from the Sky Store was the most AWESOME thing ever, but THEN I discovered the world’s first earlobe massager.

 

• Tori: Cat, why am I getting packages sent to YOU at MY HOUSE?

• Cat: Hmmm... not sure what you're talking about. Must be a different Cat Valentine. Classic mixup. I'll make sure it gets to the OTHER Cat. Can I come grab it after school??

• Tori: Fine. And btw, who needs an ankle bracelet that detects if you're within 20 feet of a deer in the middle of Los Angeles??

• Cat: Deer are so cute!

 

• Cat: Is it true that sweat & pee are cousins?

 

• Cat: Do you think that dogs who wear clothes get made of fun by the other dogs who don't? I hope not. 'Cuz they're so cute!

 

• Cat: Sometimes when I look out of my window, a random feather just falls from the sky. I wonder if there's a balding bird up there somewhere.

 

• Cat: I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU GUYS!!!! MY CAPS LOCK IS JUST STUCK! PLEASE DON'T BE MAD!
  • Beck: Just hit the caps lock button again.
  • Cat: ooooooooohhhhhhh. thanks, beck.

 

• Cat: I've been thinking about what a bald bird would look like and I can't stop giggling. Poor bird. Wonder if they make bird wigs

 

• Cat: I just bought a star on the Internet. My goal is to buy so many stars that I can spell out my name in the sky. Good idea?

 

• Cat: I just ate sooooooooo much soup. When I walk, I can hear waves of soup swishing in my tummy.
  • Robbie: What kind of soup? I love broccoli cheddar but I'm allergic to cheese :(

 

• Cat: Is happy!

• Jade: Why?

• Cat: Why what?

• Jade: Why are you happy?

• Cat: I'm not. I'm actually really sad today (Just heard flies live for only ONE day). :(

• Jade: Then why does your status say "Is happy!"?????

• Cat: Oh, that was a typo.

 

• Cat: What did the young shrimp say when his mom asked him why he wouldn't share his toys?

• Robbie: You've already told everyone that joke! Enough Already!

• Jade: Say that joke again and I de-friend you. In real life.

• Cat: I'm a little shellfish. Get it?!

 

• Cat: I counted my eyelashes today. On my right eye, I have 153 eyelashes—which is more than the average person. Go me!

 

• Cat: I wish people would stop the cruel practice of bear-knuckle fighting. What did the bear ever do to you?

 

• Cat: Hangin' out at Paramour Studios with Crystal Waters.

• Tori : You know you don't have to call me Crystal Waters anymore. We already got Beck his job back.

• Cat: Oh hi Crystal!

 

• Cat: I'VE GOT A NEW BOYFRIEND!!!! His name is Daniel. His hair is fuzzy.

 

• Cat: Got a new boyfriend, punched Tori in the face, broke up with boyfriend, and got hot cheese in my ear. Not exactly in that order, but....

 

• Cat: Why do all my therapists keep retiring early? It's such a strange coincidence. :(

 

• Cat: I haven't tweeted in almost 4 hours. It's not that I didn't want to, but it's really hard to tweet when you're asleep.

 

• Cat: Halloween's my FAVORITE holiday! Well, after Christmas.... and Thanksgiving... and New Years... and Labor Day... and Arbor Day... oh, and Groundhog's Day...

 

• Cat: If shorts are called "shorts", why don't they call pants "longs"?

 

• Cat: Cheerio! (That's English for Hello. Well, not English-English but British-English.) I guess I could've just said hi. Hi!

 

• Cat: Guess what me and Jade are doing this weekend? Karaoke!

• Sikowitz: Did you know in Japanese, Karaoke literally means "to sing as if dying"

• André: Actually the literal translation is "empty orchestra."

• Sikowitz: Oh well, yeah. I tend to make things up.

 

• Cat: I'm lying on the floor in the shape of an "S" right now. Hahaha. This is fun.

 

• Cat: I don't know why I'm craving carrots so badly?

• Jade: Maybe it's because you've been watching your neighbor's rabbit for a week.

• Cat: OMG. That's why!

 

• Cat: OMG, it's a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!

• Robbie: What is?!?!

• Cat: I don't remember. I wrote that like 10 minutes ago.

 

• Cat: Almonds are a girl's best friend!

• Jade: You know it's "DIAMONDS are a girl's best friend" right?

• Cat: OOOOH, that makes so much more sense.

 

• Cat: When do I have to stop saying, "It's a Christmas miracle!" February?

 

• Cat: Happy 1/11/11!! The ONLY thing cooler will be 11/11/11!

• Jade: How about winning the lottery? That would probably be cooler.

 

• Cat: I average about 407 texts a day. do you think that is too much? text ya later!

 

• Cat: I heard that Valentine's Day was started by this guy named Valentine who just wanted a day named after him. I think he was my uncle.

 

• Cat: My BF Daniel is mad at me. I didn't show up to dinner on V-Day. I totally forgot I was dating him. Oops.

 

• Cat: My brother was arrested again. Apparently Santa Monica law doesn't allow you to swim in JUST your underwear. Well, now he knows.

 

• Cat: I wish I could pick up more things with my toes. Life would be so much easier.

 

• Cat: I wonder if Alaska and Hawaii ever feel left out.

 

• Cat: Is there any good reason why a grown man would soak his feet in chicken fat?

 

• Cat: What's the deal with hotel soap? Why is it so tiny?

• Beck: Still doing your 80's comedian routine?

• Cat: No, I really NEED to know. I'm on vacation and I'm really dirty.

 

• Cat: I'm going to write the first thought that pops into my head. Okay here goes: "Guacamole Swimming Pool." K. Bye.

 

• Cat: I quit my job at Northstar. All of the emergency calls started to stress me out ... and the pay was terrible.

• Tori: You know you didn't actually work there.

 

• Cat: I LOVE my new costume design class! It's like Halloween every day of the year!!! Hooray!

 

• Cat: Last night I had a dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow. Then I woke up, the giant marshmallow in my bed was gone!

• Beck: I can never tell if you're joking or not.

 

• Cat: How do snapping turtles snap? They don't have any fingers. I HAVE fingers and I can't even snap!

 

• Cat: How come only kids catch cooties? Is it because older people have already been vaccinated?

 

• Cat: Hey friends! Check out my new blog! It's called CAT'S FUN PUN #1

 

• Cat: Guess what I learned today? Baby food isn't that bad! Mashed carrots are delicious!

• Sinjin: I like strawberry-banana.

• Robbie: My fave is creamed peas.

• Sikowitz: Coconut Medley is by far the best.

• Tori: Guess what I learned today? All of my friends still eat baby food.

 

• Cat: The best thing about Doug the Diaper Guy? He's not a party pooper! Oh.... I just got that. HA! HA! HA!

 

• Cat: Cowboys ride horses. Shouldn't they be called horseboys?

 

• Cat: At the Asphalt Cafe on a beautiful June afternoon! Wait, do we ever get a summer vacation?

• André: Did you notice NONE of us are there with you?

• Cat: Yeah, did you all skip?

 

• Cat: Gibby is fun to hang out with and all, but I really miss Roger Mole. Does anybody know what happened to that guy?

• Trina: Yeah, and what ever happened to that hideous Patty Schwab chick?

 

• Cat: I hate when my brother plays "Hide and Seek" with the police.

 

• Cat: How come manatees are called Sea Cows, but Cows aren't called Land Manatees???

 

• Cat: Sunday afternoon naps are the best! Friday afternoon naps just aren't the same.

 

• Cat: Going to rock band camp! The booklet says: "Fans Allowed." Who's coming with me??

• Jade: Cat, they're not talking about "people" fans. They're talking about electric fans.

• Cat: Oh, darn.

 

• Cat: Hi my name is Cat and I have a mustache. I call it Cat-stache

• Rex: This status update is a Cat-Stache-Trophe!

 

• Cat: Read my Daily-To-Do-List! I'm gonna be updating it everyday this whole week. So you gotta keep checking back to see 'em all. Click Here To See It!or here :)

 

• Cat: I am going to make a new friend today—and that friend is Ryan Seacrest! Check out my daily planner to see what else I'm up to today...

 

• Cat: You know what I just realized? You can't tickle yourself. Bummer. I like being tickled and I'm all alone!

• Robbie: I can tickle myself!

• Rex: Robbie, stop being weird.

 

• Cat: Going to a Sri Lankan restaurant with Jade called "The Hot & Spicy Pepper Palace." She likes watching me sweat while I eat.

• Jade: Don't worry, you'll be fine.

 

• Cat: I had a dream last night that a ballerina and a dolphin were throwing peanuts at me. Dreams are so fun.

 

• Cat: I accidentally Grizzly Glued my lips together. (Don't ask how!) So I won't be able to talk for a few days. But at least I can still hum!!!

 

• Cat: Today's Cat Pun Fun is brought to you by the word "Catastrophe." Read my new blog to find out why!

• Cat: I'm dating a new guy named Dusty. Ironically, he's very clean. His parents should have named him Soapy.

 

• Cat: What should I have at my next party: A bounce house, water slide, or ball pit?
  • Trina: Cat, only kids have those at their parties.
  • Cat: What's that supposed to mean?!?

 

• Cat: How many high school boys does it take to change a light bulb?
  • Tori: I don't know Cat, how many?
  • Cat: I don't know! The light bulb in my bathroom is out and I need to know how many boys to call over to fix it.
  • Beck: Tori, you should never assume that Cat is telling a joke.

 

• Cat: Running late for school today! My hair got stuck in the freezer again!
  • Jade: How on earth did that happen?
  • Cat: Cuz I was trying to see if my new hair dye exactly matched the color of a red ice pop! How else would it happen?

 

• Cat: If given the choice between a bike and an alpaca, I'd chose the alpaca. You can ride both to school, but you can't snuggle with a bike!

 

• Cat: Sometimes I wonder if my old nail polish gets sad when I take it off and put a new color on.

 

• Cat: I got to use a giant pink umbrella today! Yay for rain!!!

 

• Cat: I LOVE my new Jupiter Boots! They make life so much bouncier! Boing! Boing! Boing! Heeheehee!

 

• Cat: I just met a celebrity at the grocery store!!! I totally forgot his name but he's that blond guy who was in that huge popular movie last summer! Wow!
  • Jade: Cat, you used so many words to tell us absolutely nothing at all. Congratulations.

 

• Cat: My #1 goal in life had always been to drive around town in a giant cupcake. I feel very lucky. Not everyone achieves their goals in life.

 

• Cat: I'm watching my French neighbor's cat. Does anyone know how to say "Don't pee in the house" in French? I don't think this cat speaks English.

 

• Cat: I'm sick of waiting for Christmas! I want to celebrate it now! Ho! Ho! Ho!
  • Jade: You have no idea how much I hate you right now.
  • Beck: Jade hates whenever someone mentions Christmas BEFORE December 1.
  • Cat: I'm sorry. Do you want me to make you some figgy pudding to cheer you up?

 

• Cat: When I'm 98 years old, do you think I'll still be able to... ooh, pretty rainbow. Bye.
  • Tori: Okay, now I really want to know what you thought you wouldn't be able to do when you're 98!
  • Cat: Oh, I was wondering if I would be able to... OMG my brother just got his head stuck in the toilet. Bye.
  • Tori: I give up. Guess we'll never know.

 

• Cat: My brother's outside howling at the moon again. Whenever he doesn't shave for a few days he thinks he's turning into a werewolf.

 

• Cat: My doctor says I need therapy. Does aromatherapy count? I hope so, I love smelling things.

 

• Cat: My brother told me he bought 23 Christmas trees. A few hours later, the cops took them back to the park, and replanted them.

 

• Cat: If anyone wants FREE cotton candy, come see me! Larry the Candyman will be happy to make cotton candy for everyone!
  • Tori: Larry didn't seem that happy the last time I saw him.
  • Robbie: Yeah, he had a murderous look in his eye...
  • Cat: Oh that's just how he is. Classic Larry!

 

• Cat: What do teachers do on half-days? I think they have a big tea party! I asked Sikowitz but he wouldn't tell me.

 

• Cat: @ the Santa Monica Pier. Things were going great until I got yelled at by a mime. Mimes can be angry people sometimes.

 

• Cat: Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!! Y'know, I should have done this update yesterday so I could have said Merry Christmas Eve Eve Eve!

 

• Cat: I LOVED 2011!!! I got to dress like broccoli, party with iCarly AND Ke$ha, and ride in a giant cupcake! 2012, can you top that?!

 

• Cat: Yay! Only 353 days till Christmas!!! Yippeee!
  • Jade: STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!

 

• Cat: I may not be as smart as Einstein, but at least I can sing better! At least I think so... anyone know if Einstein was a good singer?

 

• Cat: I'm bored. Is there anywhere in LA that I could go elephant riding? It's like the only thing I want to do right now. Mood: Bored

 

• Cat: Yay! School on Saturday! It's like a vacation. No wait, it's the opposite. #Confused. Mood: Excited

 

• Cat: Just bought some non-prescription glasses cuz I wanna look smart. Just call me Alfred Einstein! Mood: Brilliant
  • Tori: ALBERT Einstein.
  • Andre: The glasses don't seem to be working.

 

• Cat: Does my thumb look Spanish? Mood: Wondering

 

• Cat: Dog-sitting my mom's boss' dog, Coober! You guys can come over if you want. Just don't call him Cooper. He hates that.

• Cat: Hawaii doesn't sound the way it's spelled. Neither does Wednesday. English doesn't make sense.

 

• Cat: I want to buy my dad a tie from Thailand. That's where all the best ties are made.

 

• Cat: Having a bad day? Feeling down? Let me and Robbie cheer you up thru song! La! La! La! (See you feel better already!.

 

• Cat: Happy Birthday Jade!
  • Jade: It's not my birthday.
  • Cat: Oh good, cuz I forgot to buy you a gift.

 

• Cat: I'm so glad I'm in color again! I don't know how people in the 50s were able to live in black and white!

 

• Cat:I always feel bad that dogs aren't allowed to eat chocolate. That's probably the number one reason I'm glad I'm not a dog.

 

• Cat: I wish they made water-proof PearPhones. I always feel chatty while I'm in the shower.

 

• Cat: Anyone wanna go to the ballet with me this weekend? I was going to take my brother but the judge said he's not allowed to be near ballerinas.

 

• Cat: Apparently, most girls don't store candy in their bras. Weird. So where DO they keep their gumdrops?

 

• Cat: Million dollar idea: High-heeled shoes that turn into flat shoes by hitting a button on a remote control. I'll call them Shorty Shoes.

 

• Cat: I tried to do a self-portrait of my final art project, but it was too hard! So i drew a bunny with red hair instead. Maybe my teacher won't notice.

​

• Cat: Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble.

• ​Tori: Uh, Cat . Watcha thinking about there?
• Cat: Oh, nothing. Why?

• ​Cat: I'm sleeping in a motel tonight because my brother accidentally flooded our house. On the plus side: complimentary tiny toothpaste!

 

• Cat: I just drew a little man in my shoe, but now I can't wear a skirt because I'm afraid he'll see my underpants.

 

• ​Cat: Am I still considered a redhead even though that I technically don't have hair anymore?

 

• Cat: I honestly think a squirrel in the park said "God Bless You" to me today. But the weird thing is, I didn't sneeze.

 

• Cat: My hair is starting to grow back! Maybe if I sing to it, it will grow even faster. LAAAAAAAAA!!!!

 

• Cat: Cut my foot stepping on a seashell! Who's going around throwing seashells all over the beach?!? That's called littering, people!

 

• Cat: Alright, it's true. I'm not a real blonde. I'm just a plain old redhead. :( Wait. I'm actually not a real redhead either. I'm such a faker.

 

• Cat: I just found out what an e-book is. For the longest time I just thought it was a book about the letter "E".

 

• Cat: At the mall hanging out with a vow. (edit: Sorry, that should say hanging out with a COW. Stupid auto correct.)
  • Tori: Usually edits make these things clearer. Not this time.

 

• Cat: A sentence that no one has ever written before: Pretty pink elephants love hot air balloon rides over fields of purple daisies.

 

• Cat: OMG my uncle just called. My aunt was just thrown off a mountain!!! Nevermind, I heard him wrong. She just threw a penny into a mall fountain.

 

• Cat: Just dropped some food on the floor. How long is the "Five Second Rule" good for again?

 

• Cat: I want a license plate that says "Cat's Car" so I'll never forget which one is mine. Oh and the car will be bright pink... just because!

 

• Cat: Did you know you can't light firecrackers on Labor Day? My brother got arrested for it! Of course he was in a grocery store.

 

• Cat: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Tori: What's so funny?
  • Cat: Ha, nothing, just an inside joke with myself.

 

• Cat: All-nighter at Wanko's! Being trapped in a warehouse with your besties is so much fun!!!!! I want to taste the alarm laser!

 

• Cat: I'm on a juice cleanse this week! I bathed in orange juice this morning and feel soooo much healthier already!
  • Tori: Ummm, Cat. That's not how it works.

 

• Cat: It is so hard to type on my phone and tap dance at the same time!
  • Tori: Then why don't you just stop tap dancing while you type?
  • Cat: That's crazy talk!

 

• Cat: People will believe anything you say with confidence. Watch this: I AM A 7-FOOT-TALL MARTIAN! You believed that for a second didn't you?

 

• Cat: I got all my holiday shopping done early! But the only thing at the store was Halloween stuff. Hope you guys like Jack-o-Lanterns for Christmas.

 

• Cat: Jade does an awesome impression of me! Monkeys on trampolines. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • Cat: Hey! I didn't write that. Jade logged into my account!
  • Andre: Well to be honest, I couldn't tell.
  • Cat: Well, I guess she does do a good impression of me. And monkeys on trampolines are hilarious. HAHAHAHAHA!

 

• Cat: Cute boys LOVE hamburgers. I should open a restaurant and call it "Burgers for Boys."

 

• Cat: I wish my life was a music video. Then it wouldn't be weird if I sang by myself in the laundromat.

 

• Cat: I used to think whipped cream was actually made from clouds. But then yesterday someone told me that they weren't. My whole life is a lie.

 

• Cat: Am I too old to go Trick-or-Treating? My family won't buy sugar anymore because it makes my brother go bonkers. It's my only way to get candy!

• Cat: I voted for cheese!
  • Tori: Uh, Cat. This was the presidential election...
  • Cat: Oh :( Well I really wanted Gruyere to win. It's my favorite cheese.

• Cat: I'm thankful for my feet! Because if I didn't have feet, I couldn't tap dance! And then I'd fail my tap dancing class.

• Cat: Did you ever notice the word "ROOF" is just the word "FOOR" spelled backwards? I can't believe I just now realized that!
  • Rex: Man, it's a good thing you're pretty.

• Cat: I've got a baby butterfly living in my ear… how's your day going?

• Cat I poured milk in my marshmallow cereal, waited for the milk to change color, and then spooned out the cereal. Now I'm drinking blue milk!

• Cat: Y'know. Robbie's a great guy. Sweaty hands and all.

• Cat: I wish they made plates out of bread. That way, after you eat lunch, you don't have to do any dishes. You just eat your plate!
  • Robbie: You know they have bread bowls, right?
  • Cat: OMG! Where do I get one of these bread bowls???
  • Robbie I'll take you out to lunch at my fave place.
  • Cat I changed my mind. Bread bowls sound weird. Who would want a bread bowl? Not me.

• Cat: At Neutronium Records - searching for Bibble. They've gotta have a secret stash around here somewhere!

• Cat: My brother's tarantula is living in our Christmas tree. He's like a hairy, terrifying little ornament.

• Cat: Don't you hate waking up on Christmas morning to find that your brother ate all the presents? (P.S. None of them were edible)

• Cat: Happy Birthday 2013! I didn't get you a present. Sorry about that.

• Cat: Please DO NOT go on Pear Maps and look up Hollywood Arts. If you do, DO NOT zoom in on Jade. P.S. She's NOT picking her nose

• Cat: I don't think you're allowed to sucker-punch teenagers on game shows. Someone should inform the Brain Squeezers people.

• Cat: Welcome to Cat's Tweet Fest: 2013!!! Become my fan and see all the cool and interesting tweets on my profile page!
  • Tweet #1: I like pepperoni pizza, but hate pepperonis by themselves. I bet pepperonis are glad pizza exists or they'd never get eaten.
  • Tweet #2: Do cows get cavities? Because I've never heard of a cow dentist.
  • Tweet #3: Sikowitz is wearing a toupee today. #NotFoolingAnyone
  • Tweet #4: My tomato soup just burnt my tongue! Hottttttttt!!!!
  • Tweet #5: What am I doing right now? I'm writing a tweet on my phone! Kind of obvious.
  • Tweet #6: I'm going to sleep now. I'll tweet again in exactly 8 hours! Yawn!
  • Tweet #7: Good morning! I just woke up! And I've got morning breath. Blech!
  • Tweet #8: I wish Sinjin would stop using the girls' bathroom. It's strange.
  • Tweet #9: I have 2 hairs on my arm that are longer than the rest of 'em.
  • Tweet #10: It must be hard to design clothes for birds.

• Cat: I'm done tweeting. I can't think of anything else... Well, I guess THIS technically was a tweet... Okay... NOW I'm done.

• Cat: I'm moving to Venice to live with my Nona! Venice, America NOT Venice Italy! Just in case anyone is as confused as I was.

• Cat: Why's there a fairy that collects your teeth when they fall out but NOT a fairy that collects your hair? Sikowitz would be rich!

• Cat: Guess what I'm wearing??? They're pajamas! They're jeans! They're leggings! It's a hoodie! It's a poncho! It's a Pajelehoocho!!!!