List of Posts by Sikowitz

This is the page with a list of Sikowitz's TheSlap posts.

Posts

 * Sikowitz: I am on TheSlap.com. Now what do I do? ... and where did I put my coconut?


 * Sikowitz: As you know, school has now begun, but I, Erwin Sikowitz, have yet to return to Hollywood Arts. And that's because my list of demands (which I sent to the school administration months ago) has yet to be met.

My Demands
 * 1) Coconut vending machine MUST be added to the Asphalt Cafe so that I can get my daily serving of coconut milk.
 * 2) My mother MUST be banned from the Hollywood Arts premises. Every time she comes to visit, she hurts my feelings.
 * 3) A pay raise would be nice. Tie-dyed clothig is back in style and becomming rather pricey.
 * 4) A new PearTV MUST be installed in my classroom so I can play my acting reel on a continuous loop -- for educational purposes, of course.
 * 5) Have security stop searching my satchel every morning. What's inside a man's satchel should be private.

Once all of the above have been completed to my satisfaction I will return to my positon teaching the dramatic arts -- or until my mortgage is due whichever comes first.


 * Sikowitz: Hello students, I'm teaching again. None of my demands were met, but my mom said she'd cut me from the will if I didn't go back to work.


 * Sikowitz: Do you know if masseuses offer teacher's discounts? I have a lot of stress to be relieved!


 * Sikowitz: I dropped my harmonica in the men's room toilet.
 * André: Sorry man. I know a place where you can get another one.
 * Sikowitz: Why would I get another one?
 * André: Cuz your old one fell in a toilet.
 * Sikowitz: And your point is?


 * Sikowitz: Ping to the Pong! Isn't that what the kids are saying these days?
 * Jade: No one says that.


 * Sikowitz: Everyone wants to know what my homemade sausage is made out of. Hilarious, I know.


 * Sikowitz: Still recovering from reggae night on Sunday. What'd I miss?
 * Beck: About 2 1/2 days of school.
 * Sikowitz: No, I meant important stuff.


 * Sikowitz: Do they make special sun screen for the top-of-your-head skin?


 * Sikowitz: Trick or Treat? I pick trick. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH


 * Sikowitz: Can't stop playing that Ditch the Fish game. It's starting to affect my job, my relationships, my life. Help.


 * Sikowitz: I'm running a marathon next week in Long Beach. Guess I better start practicing.


 * Sikowitz: I make my own cranberry souce. Interesting thing though, it contains no actual cranberry.


 * Sikowitz: Step right up and get a little bit of Sikowitz!


 * Sikowitz: Acting is like fishing. Only there is no fish.


 * Sikowitz: Later on, we'll perspire as we sit by the fire...
 * André: You know those AREN'T the real lyrics right?
 * Sikowitz: Yes, but sweating is funny.


 * Sikowitz: Happy Easter, Everyone!
 * André: Dude, Easter's not for like another 3 months or something. Tell me you're kidding...
 * Sikowitz: Wait, what month are we in?


 * Sikowitz: Where did the time go? I can't believe it's 2012 already!
 * Rex: Man, and you're responsible for my education??


 * Sikowitz: Man, 2011 is dragging. The 70s happend so fast they're still just a blur in my memory.


 * Sikowitz: Ahh, I love Sundays!
 * Beck: You know today's not Sunday right? It's Friday.
 * Sikowitz: Ah, Good Ghandi! How many classes have I missed so far?
 * Beck: 4


 * Sikowitz: Just bought diet SOAP. Anyone know how I use it? Eat it?


 * Sikowitz: Do you think it's odd that a 34 year old man lives with his mom? Just asking cuz my friend does. Not me.


 * Sikowitz: Get this one -- Had jury duty. Judge made me put on shoes! I objected! He didn't care.


 * Sikowitz: A woman told me I have "mad scientist eyebrows." Is that a good thing?


 * Sikowitz: I don't remember if I showered this morning. I don't stink, do I?
 * Jade: Do you remember if you showered yesterday? Cuz you smell the same as you did then.


 * Sikowitz: I wish they'd invent something that keeps your feet clean while walking around barefoot.
 * Jade: It's called SHOES! Get some!


 * Sikowitz: Took my mom to Vegas last weekend. She had a great time. So great in fact that she's never allowed back.


 * Sikowitz: I waited in line 9 hours for a new PearPad... It turns out it's some sort of computer.
 * Robbie: Why did you wait in line for it if you didn't know what it was?
 * Sikowitz: Don't know. Just curious I guess.


 * Sikowitz: I'm getting ready for the big Sikowitz Sleepover. Teenagers like industrial sized bottles of mayonaise, right?


 * Robbie: We sure do!


 * Rex: He does not speak for all of us.


 * Sikowitz: I make my own toothpaste. It doesn't clean very well and it tastes like mud, but it's super cheap. Anyone wanna try some?


 * Sikowitz: Teaching teenagers is like herding cats. Except the cats are over 5 feet tall, can talk, and own cell phones. Okay, That's a bad analogy.


 * Sikowitz: For some reason, the audience didn't really buy me as a female steamboat captain. It must be the beard. Not a good look for a lady.


 * Sikowitz: My favorite class to teach is improv. My least favorite is criminal justice. Why do we even have that class?
 * André: We don't.
 * Sikowitz: Then why am I in court right now?


 * Sikowitz: Bought stuck in coconut milk cuz an expert told me it's gonna be huge! Not sure why this "expert" was washing my windshield at a gas statioin.


 * Sikowitz: I'm currently hanging out with a strange man in a hot tub… this party sure turned out differently than I expected.


 * Sikowitz: Just bought a foot-odor-scented air freshener for my van. Now, if anyone says my van stinks, I'll blame the air freshener!


 * Sikowitz: Spray on hair DOES NOT work. I can't believe hair in a can let me down!


 * Sikowitz: It's summer and I have waaaaaaaay too much free time. I need to do something productive ... any suggestions?
 * Tori: You could show up to teach your summer school class. I've been waiting here for 41 minutes!


 * Sikowitz: Those little crackers shaped like fish are very realistic.


 * Sikowitz: My very confused aunt keeps sending me Christmas Cards. I would say something to her, but all th cards have $20 in them. Score!


 * Sikowitz: Did anyone else see that cloud in the sky that looked like a baby giraffe riding an adult elephant??


 * Sikowitz: I had a nightmare last night that there was a kid in my class who had a puppet. How insane is that?!?


 * Sikowitz: Man being famous must make you weird. This movie star at the gas station kept asking me to wash his windshield.


 * Sikowitz: Looking through some old family photos. Man... I was one ugly kid.


 * Sikowitz: I would like to know why I've never been chosen for Teacher of the Year. On a side note, I just realized I'm 3 hours late to school. Yikes!


 * Sikowitz: Did you know that some high schools teach science, math, and P.E.? What's up with that? #iLuvHollywoodArts


 * Sikowitz: The police kicked in my front door this morning cuz they had the wrong address. They didn't fix it, but they did write me a very nice apology note.


 * Sikowitz: You kids are so spoiled with your tiny laptops and cell phones. In my day, we had slightly larger laptops and cell phones.
 * Jade: When exactly WAS your day?
 * Sikowitz: You know, I'm not really sure.


 * Sikowitz: I'm only teaching at Hollywood Arts until my agent gets me an acting gig. It's been 10 years. I wonder what's taking him so long!


 * Sikowitz: My mom gave me a $5 gift certificate to the Olive Bargain! I bet I can the get never-ending bowl of NOTHING with that!


 * Sikowitz: My mom forgot to pack my lunch today. Anyone got $5 I can borrow for the Grub Truck?


 * Sikowitz: I'm off to a parade in a giant cupcake with 7 children and a puppet. Good gravy! My life's a fairy tale!


 * Sikowitz: I switched banks cuz the new one gives out lollipops. Turns out though, they charge you 12 dollars per pop.


 * Sikowitz:Wait, it's Halloween already? What happened to Easter? Did I miss it?


 * Sikowitz: I wish Hollywood Arts would stop scheduling classes during my nap time. I'm not a good teacher when I'm tired.
 * Rex: Man you must be tired a lot.


 * Sikowitz: Thinking about getting a second job as a mall Santa cuz 1) The hat will cover my baldness. 2) I can eat whatever I want.


 * Sikowitz: I can say "coconut" in 13 different languages. You might say that's pointless. Well, if we're ever in Malaysia, I won't share my "kelapa" with you.